Frequently Asked Questions
› Is there an age requirement for admittance?
› Can I act like a jackass while inside The Fear Haunted House?
› What are the items that I should make sure I don't bring into The Fear Haunted House?
› Do you have wait entertainment?
› Do you have covered waiting?
› What is the best day to come for the shortest line wait times?
› What do I get for my ticket?
› Is there free parking at Navy Pier?
› Do you have food, drink, and concessions available?
› Is The Fear appropriate for children?
› How can I get a job at The Fear Haunted House?
› Where do you come up with your designs?
› I am afraid of the dark, afraid of clowns, afraid of blood, afraid of air…
› Do I get my money back if I don't make it through?
Q: Can the monsters touch you?
A: Only if you are really pretty… Actually, it doesn't
matter if you are pretty, ugly, or dead; the monsters
will not touch you. So, this means that you are not allowed
to touch the monsters. By everyone keeping their hands
to themselves, they get to go home with their bodies intact.
Q: Is there an age requirement for admitance?
A: Yes. Children 12 and under MUST be accompanied by a paid adult.
Q: Is it scary?
A: Now let's think about this question. Would we put together
a haunted house and then throw in Barney and Sesame
Street characters? I think not. Be ready to scream…
Q: How long is the tour?
A: Tour? Who said anything about a tour? Who said anything
about getting out? Once you check in, the Captain
has to decide if he's going to release you. However, he has
been pretty lenient lately. The usual stay for a typical
haunted house visit is around 20 minutes.
Q: Can I act like a jackass while inside The Fear Haunted House?
A: Of course you can! But, expect to be pummeled, beaten,
and bruised by the inmates. Do us a favor; have a good
time and enjoy the Halloween season. If you act like a
jackass, you will be escorted out…on your head.
Q: What are the items that I should make sure I don't
bring into The Fear Haunted House?
A: It probably is a wise decision not to bring any guns,
chains, knives, weapons of any kind, flashlights, penlights,
pocket lights, spotlights….pretty much any kind of
light, cameras, video cameras, digital cameras… ok
any kind of camera, pagers, lighters, alcohol,
chemicals, or nuclear devices. You will be asked to leave
without refund.
Q: How long is the wait?
A: The earlier you arrive, the shorter the wait. However,
the wait has been known to climb upwards of 2 weeks.
So, it is best to start camping outside the Navy Pier entrance
now.
Q: Do you have wait entertainment?
A: Wait entertainment? You want wait entertainment? What,
the blood-curdling screams of the tortured souls inside
aren't enough for you? Fine. I suppose we can hook-up
a TV or something for you to watch.
Q: Do you have covered waiting?
A: COVERED WAITING? WELL DON'T WE JUST WANT IT ALL? Wait
entertainment AND covered waiting? Fine. I suppose I
don't want our TV to get wet.
Q: What is the best day to come for the shortest line
wait times?
A: If you show up at 4am, I will guarantee you that no
one will be there. Seriously, no one. But, if you were
to decide to visit us on a Wednesday or Thursday, the line would be
significantly shorter than Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Q: Is there a VIP line?
A: Well aren't we all fancy-pants. Who do you think you
are? VIP lines my ass! You'll wait like the rest of the
maggots! But, I suppose that if your Daddy is rich, and
you wanted to pony up some cash, we will let you skip
the TV entertainment and 2-week wait.
Q: What do I get for my ticket?
A: (1) one-way ticket, with all expenses paid to Jamaica.
Complete with 4-star lodging, room service, and complimentary
poolside drink service. Are you serious? Do you really
have to ask? You get admission one of the scariest haunted houses
in all of Chicagoland! You get to experience
our blood, sweat, and tears, with the nightmares to last
a lifetime. Come and play with some of the most hardcore
monsters around...
Q: Can I by tickets online?
A: Absolutely. CLICK HERE!
Q: Is there free parking at Navy Pier?
A: You'll have to ask Navy Pier.
Q: Do you have food, drink,
and concessions available?
A: Again, you'll have to ask Navy Pier.
Q: Is The Fear appropriate for children?
A: Only if you want to pay for years of psychiatric treatment.
It's your call…
Q: How can I get a job at The Fear Haunted House?
A: We've done our hiring for the season, but check back...
Q: Where do you come up with your designs?
A: Well, I suppose the majority of them come while sitting
atop the porcelain throne and then some while playing
Candyland and occasionally Shoots-And-Ladders.
Q: How do I get to Navy Pier?
A: In a car or by foot. Our recommendation is to travel
by car. If you do so, here are
some directions you can
use. Don't blame us if you get yourself all lost and
turned around.
Q: Is it gory?
A: I would have to say no. Well, except for the dried blood
from monsters that are no longer with us….and
the blood room were we disembowel jackass guests….and
the clown room…..and the……I guess I
was wrong. Yup, it's pretty bloody.
Q:
I am afraid of the dark, afraid of clowns, afraid of
blood, afraid of air…
A: We have the perfect solution for you! Come to The Fear Haunted House.
Instead of paying thousands of dollars over many years
on doctors trying to cure you of your fears, we will do
it for the special price of only $19.99, plus $.01 convenience
fee (for a grand total of $20 per ticket).
Q: Do I get my money back if I don't make it through?
A: Hang on, let me catch my breath. I am just laughing
way too hard. Hold on. Ok. PHEW! That was a good one!
Sure, you can have your money back, but you will have
to see the Captain about that…
